I decorated George’s bedroom shortly after his death. It was looking back a way of working through and facing head on the rawest and cruelst of pain imaginable.

George had bought lots of items and had visions of decorating his room. Due to his depression this was not possible. My loving gift to him that first Christmas a few weeks after he died was to try and imagine his vision. To give a home to all his new acquisitions still in opened packaging from the day they arrived.

It was a need and necessity. A way of outpouring all the love I had for him that he could no longer physically receive.
I had to evolve this room as George died in this room and I couldn’t cope with the recurring trauma I had every time I stepped into the space.

Sadly in doing this I inadvertently broke George’s ceramic piggy bank. I remember slumping in a crumbled heap so early in my grief absolutely devastated as every possession I held of George’s so utterly precious I painstakingly picked up every single broken piece.

A few months later I heard about Kintsugi where you use a glue with gold as it symbolizes that scars, flaws, and brokenness are not something to hide but to celebrate, as they are a part of a thing’s history, beauty, and strength, rather than its end.

A couple of weeks ago I broke a ceramic pencil holder I have had since being a child and one I gave to George and he used it when he was younger. Another precious connection. Then I remembered Kintsugi and googled and bought the glue.

I have glued the pieces together and it gave me a therapeutic peace.

I am not quite at the stage to glue George’s piggy bank as doing this will rip open my wounds. I will find a time in the coming months to put it back together piece by piece.

I love how the Japanese approach life and their philosophies are elegant, simplistic and sincere. This one is a philosophy of wabi-sabi, which finds beauty in imperfection, incompleteness, and the impermanence of life.

Coping with the death of your child you are humbled to sadly understand the importance of life and how every moment and fragment of that life with your child is the most important possession you can ever be given ♥️